Seeing a counselor or a therapist appears to be the in thing in today’s society. Everytime you see or hear an actor being interviewed, even comedians, they are seeing someone. It’s like if you don’t have a Droid phone you’re not with the system; man!
I’ve been told marriage counselors are so busy they have a waiting list to get in; like seeing a medical specialists.
They were available but I don’t think as much in demand when I first married; we learned to talk to each other about our problems and worked them out the best we could. Divorces was not as popular as they are now.
All was not rosy in the Calio household at first; I married late in life, age 31, to a widow with two young kids. I thought at my age I was mature and knew all about married life; WRONG.
Those who knew my bride in her later years will be shocked to know when we first married she was shy and timid; her emotions were not words but actions, like slamming pots, etc. She would never tell you what was bothering her; just like a tornado, it came and went and it was over.
Not being the sharpest tack in the box it only took me about a dozen years to figure something was wrong. By that time we had five children; I did finally figure out what was causing that problem; told you I was slow, but apparently not everything was going as well as I thought.
So I finally got her to open up; it was like Niagara Falls; words kept flowing from her pretty lips. Apparently things were being done too much my way and I was not asking my partner what she wanted out of life; it was where I thought we should go and when.
After we told each other what our faults were, we agreed neither of us were perfect, but our love was strong enough that we decided that we needed to get past that and move on. The slamming stopped and their was peace in the valley. We found a sign which hung in our kitchen for years that said, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. That was a good sign. I figured life was too short to sweat the small stuff.
The reason for me hanging out our dirty laundry is not to discuss our life, but to make a point; that point being married couples don’t talk to each other enough, in my opinion. Many couples are busy doing their own thing as I was, and forget the romance in their marriage, like even setting aside a day a week for a ‘date night’.
Even with 5 kids at home, we paid a baby sitter even though money was tight back then for us, and went out for dinner ocassionally and just talked. Love evolves many changes during a marriage; at first it’s physical with fireworks; as they kinda start to fizzle out, you need other ways to keep the flames going, whether it be a hug, a tender kiss, an “I love you”, doing some chores to help your partner, doing things together not apart.
Don’t mean to indicate you need to be glued together; each needs their own space. Trouble with most couples today there is too much space. I have always believed in talking out problems, although some times I dreaded going into those conversations with people, I always came out of a discussion not always pleased with the results, but I always had a better understanding of the other person’s concerns.
But I don’t downplay the need for counseling; some people feel a third-party is needed and some times the results are great and rewarding, sometimes nothing works. And if a therapist does it for you and you have emotional problems by all means see one. There is a lot more of that today too compared to my day. My how the world has changed.
I feel sorry for couples who have a miserable marriage or life; it must be hell living like that. You put in so much and wish for so much just to see one day your dream is gone. Do we expect too much from our partners, our jobs, or did we have too much growing up and want too much too fast?